Pumping: A Story of Love & Hate

There it is, the dread machine that has come to dominate my days and nights: an Ameda, hospital-grade, double-electric breast pump. We have a love/hate relationship, the Ameda and I; love because it allows me to provide Liam with breast milk and hate because the pumping process is slow and often uncomfortable bordering on painful.

My decision to breastfeed goes back many years, to a time when I didn't even plan to have kids. I always thought that if I did, though, that I would breastfeed because, for a baby, breast milk is Nature's Most Perfect Food. All of the reading that I did over the past nine months (and I did a lot of it, I assure you) only shored up that conviction. The best scientific evidence shows that babies who are fed breast milk have stronger immune systems, score higher on a variety of tests, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah. I knew that breast feeding didn't always go smoothly, and that a rough start was normal for a lot of new moms and babies. I was prepared for a rough start. I was prepared for challenges. I was even prepared to call up those crazy militant La Leche League people (and I say that with all great affection and respect) for help. What I wasn't prepared for was the bruising... or the blood blisters. I wasn't prepared for having a piece of my nipple COME OFF. Yes, a piece came off. Take a moment to consider the horror.

Ugh.

So, there I was in the hospital, biting down on a rolled-up washcloth, tears streaming down my face, trying to nurse my piranha baby while Chris practically begged me to stop. Oh, and having lactation consultants tell me that I just needed to "stick with it". Finally I decided that those folks were just plain nuts and that I would go the pumping route. While it isn't completely pain-free, it's not yet taken off a piece of my breast so it gets two thumbs up from me ;)

I find the whole thing frustrating, though, to tell you the truth. I had a breast reduction a few years ago and, though some of the milk ducts reconnected themselves (yes, they did that-- cool, huh?), my output is quite minimal: a good yield for me is 4 ounces from both breasts. And that's from a 45 minute pumping session. I find it very frustrating that I can soak the sheets and my shirts, but when I'm actually pumping I get a lousy 4 ounces. Oh, and I have to pump in the middle of the night after feeding and changing Liam, because holding him and hearing him cry makes the milk let down. So that just adds to the whole sleep deprivation thing.

I'm going to stick with it for the rest of maternity leave and I'm going to give it a good shot once I go back to work (I'll have to haul the pump back and forth every day) but I'm not sure how that's going to play out. Of course I'm also not sure how I'm going to manage to work on as little sleep as I'm getting now at night. Right now it doesn't matter because I can sleep during the day if I need to, but of course once I go back to work I'll actually need to work-- employers are funny that way ;)

Ah, well, these issues are ones faced by thousands of women every day. They've found ways to make it work, and I'm sure that I will, too. I just want to do the very best for Liam that I can, and figuring out what that means and how to make it happen is challenging. I'm lucky to have the support of a lot of people and I know that will certainly prove helpful to the whole process.

To those who have breast fed and to those who are currently breast feeding: I salute you.

Especially if you ever lost a piece of your nipple in the process.

Kimberley